this is a beautifully written memoir by a woman who very clearly loved her husband and anyone who reads it cannot come away from it without understanding the depths of the loss she has endured in losing her life partner in her early 30s. devastating doesn’t cover it.
Grief is chronic pain. When will others allow the mourning to live without expecting them to be ‘cured’?
oh no, this subject is too glum for me, you think, but unless you have an intense fear of losing your partner, this book is worth reading for the writing alone.
He would tell me he knew. He tended to slip meals when he was busy or stressed.. Often, I would text him at lunch, to make sure he ate. I explain to Rebecca that I find myself picking up my phone around noon before I realize thoughts like these, thoughts about what he needs, now have no use. I ask Rebecca if she thinks our loved ones - if there is an After and they are in it - can hear us when we call for them. p.47
the book itself moves back and forth between the past (development of their relationship) and the present “after” (Kurtis’ death and subsequent aftermath) and it is told in small vignettes. the vignettes are all in present tense and this seems a stylistic choice, as the author writes that,
When he dies, I fall out of time.
the vignettes serve to cut away all the extra. to focus the reader down on what really matters. these short chapters thus emerge as more poetic in nature than a book of a different format.
although i know many wouldn’t agree with me, i think this memoir is a beautiful love story, not just in what we see of the development of their relationship, but also in how that love endures and breaks her afterwards. grief is love living on and Amy Lin is showing us that in a raw, vulnerable way. this work emphasizes that in a way most books branded as a love story cannot.
i read it in an evening. i couldn’t put it down. i don’t know a bigger compliment than that.
n xx
This sounds like a powerful and moving memoir. The way you describe the author's grief and the structure of the book is very insightful. I'm curious to learn more about their relationship and how she grapples with loss. Thanks for sharing!